magician's apprentice | been a hell of a ride but I'm thinking it's time to grow

[onebehind]

Dylan knew, coming out of the hospital if not going in, that getting sober wasn't going to be easy. He knew he'd have bad days and good days and days in between, and every therapist he's seen since then, every meeting he's been to has only reaffirmed that. They'd also armed him with a bag of tricks to deal with everything and everything in between, but -- well, today is one of the bad ones and nothing is helping. He's been pacing the house like a madman for the better part of the day, trying to find something to hold his attention long enough that he can stop thinking about running down to the nearest liquor store. He needs to get out of his skin. He's just shy of calling his sponsor. He needs to get out of the house.

He needs to get out of the house.

Stopping midway through moving a pile of books from one side of the living room to the other, he latches onto that idea and turns it over in his head. He needs to get out of the house.

He's moving again a second later, though this time, it's with a purpose, a clarity he hasn't felt like he's had in hours, days, weeks. He goes to Jack's room, tapping lightly on the door, and then after a beat and once he's been invited in, sticks his head in. Flashing him a smile that's equal parts reassuring and strained (he's fine, they're fine, this is nothing bad, he's just a little jittery, don't mind him), he tells him, "Hey. Pack your shit."

He has an idea. It'll be good for both of them.

Comments

[onebehind]

"It takes time," he promises, sobering again, too. "And it's ... harder, when it's somewhere that doesn't speak the same language as you. It's kinda why I made myself Babel Fish, while we were running around. It gets overwhelming."

He'll still start teaching Jack to speak Chinese properly, but.

[the_death_card]

"I just don't wanna be, like... I don't know. It feels dumb," he admits to his knees as he pulls them up, bracing his heels on the edge of the couch, mirroring how he had been sitting in the chair.

He pauses a beat. "Maybe it would have helped if I'd brought a towel," he adds cheekily a moment later, because that book, he has read.

[onebehind]

Dylan snorts. "Next time."

A beat.

"But seriously, Jack. You're a kid. It's okay for shit to be scary or overwhelming or whatever." And another. "Hell, I'm an adult and shit still strikes me as scary or overwhelming. I just gotta pretend that I got enough of my crap together to handle it."

Being an adult sucks.

[the_death_card]

Jack pauses a beat, tilting his head to look at Dylan. Finally, he nods, letting out a long breath. "Okay."

That's a new thing for him to agree to, honestly, considering he's been expected to keep his shit together in the face of constant changes for so much of his life. Being told that, hearing that from an adult he trusts... It takes something off his shoulders.

[onebehind]

"Okay," Dylan repeats, seriously.

Another moment of pause follows, and then, "So, uh. What now?"

Yes, he knows it's his head, but Jack's just as responsible for this shared dream of their as he is.

[the_death_card]

Jack blinks at him - and then shrugs. "I don't know? You were going to find sketch books? Or would you rather wait and show me those when we're actually awake?"

Or he doesn't have to show them to him at all, if he would rather not, considering Dylan wasn't really aware when he had made the offer.

Jack would like to see them though, if Dylan doesn't mind.

[onebehind]

Dylan looks thoughtful for a moment, raking his tongue over his teeth. When he seems to reach some sort of conclusion, he stands up wordlessly, and heads for a set of shelves set up against one of the back walls. Head tilted to one side, he considers the spines of the books, eventually pulling one free. He returns with it a second later, holding it out to Jack.

"This is kinda ... think of it like a greatest hits."

This book as it exists here does not exist in the waking world -- it's a compilation of all of his favorite pieces. A character model sheet of his father. One of Jack. One of Miranda. One of Fuller. A view of Yankees Stadium from high above home plate. A sketch of the Las Vegas Strip, looking down it from one end of the street; one of Times Square in the same style. A sketch of himself in the Red Death costume he had made, this last Halloween. A few technical drawings of a couple of tricks he designed. A door, ornately carved, with a pair of moons set into a circle in the center of it. The same door, but now the design on it has been shifted to reveal an eye. A staircase that spirals endlessly upwards into another stylized eye. And so on and so forth.

Dylan settles back into the couch and watches as Jack thumbs through it.

[the_death_card]

Jack leans forward to take the sketchbook and then settles back in his seat to set it on his lap. He's careful as he turns the pages, taking a long moment with each one, tilting his head a little to consider some of them, and so on.

"These are awesome," he says eventually as he pauses on one of Times Square, glancing up at Dylan. "Like. Seriously awesome."

[onebehind]

Dylan shrugs, genuinely modest. "Some people journal or whatever, I draw shit."

It's how he gets out of his head.

[the_death_card]

Jack looks back down at the sketchbook, continuing to turn pages, pausing to really look at each one. "They're fucking great, man." He looks up again. "What got you into the cop stuff instead of like... art stuff? Just the fact that it's hard to get jobs with art stuff?"

He obviously has no idea but he's heard that's an issue, anyway.

[onebehind]

He shifts slightly, all at once uncomfortable. A moment of silence follows as he tries to find the words to explain, regardless, and then finally, he offers, "I didn't want anyone else to have to go through the same shit I did as a kid. I wanted to kinda -- kinda be able to be there on the worst day of someone's life. To spare them some of the pain, if I could."

Maybe if someone had been there, the night his father died, they could have saved him.

[the_death_card]

Jack looks up from the book in earnest, apology on his face. "Sorry. Didn't mean to like... poke that."

He probably should have known better to ask, too.

"I get it, though."

[onebehind]

Dylan shakes his head, the majority of discomfort falling away. "I told you you could ask questions. Just 'cause the answers might be hard for me doesn't mean you can't ask."

He might reserve the right to answer, if what Jack asks cuts too deep, but he's not going to bite his head off.

[the_death_card]

Jack shrugs, shoulders still pulled up a little in more guilt than discomfort on his own part. "I just don't wanna like... ask the wrong thing or whatever?"

He doesn't want to upset Dylan. And he knows that Dylan isn't like his other fosters, who said things like that and then got upset when he did try to ask - but it was easier to just not ask. He does know that. But sometimes he still worries.

[onebehind]

"I'll let you know if I need you to back off," he answers, ever-gentle, "but you're good. I'm good. We're okay."

[the_death_card]

Jack takes a breath and lets it out, nodding. "Okay." He pauses a beat before he repeats, "Okay."

Another pause, and he looks back to the sketchbook. "Kinda cool that you drew me," he says, his smile returning at the corners of his mouth. He means that, too.

[onebehind]

Dylan smiles, the expression a little embarrassed. "More than once. That's just the best set of 'em, as I was figuring out how to do it. I, uh -- I figured I should ... I mean, if we're gonna do Halloween shit, next year, and you want me to design something ... "

[the_death_card]

The smile grows as he practically beams. "Oh hell yeah," he returns immediately. "That'd be awesome."

He honestly hadn't been that upset about it when Dylan had told him about his own plans for Halloween this year, but if Dylan's offering something for next year, he's absolutely on board with it.

[onebehind]

His embarrassment fading, Dylan shifts a little in his seat, clearly itching to put pencil to paper right now. The only thing that really stops him is, "I'd ask if you had any ideas about what kinda thing you'd wanna do, but I really don't know how much of this either of us are gonna remember, when we wake up."

It is a dream, after all, and he's never really played much with lucid dreaming, so he has no basis for comparison.

[the_death_card]

"I don't really have anything right now anyway?" Jack returns and reassures. "If I remember we talked about it I can think about it though? Or you can suggest something if you think of something you think would be cool?"

Dylan obviously knows what's cool considering the costume he had designed for himself this year.

Also, take note, universe, that this may be one of the only times a teenager actually thought his parent was cool.

[onebehind]

Dylan is silent for a moment, albeit largely for effect, given what he asks next. "Can I get that cool thing in writing somewhere?"

[the_death_card]

Jack tilts his head - and then rolls his eyes. "I said something you think might be cool, I didn't say I was gonna agree," he shoots back, teasing.

Never mind that he did have the thought that the Masque costume had been cool, and considering they're in each other's heads, he might as well have said that outloud. He's not thinking about that part.

[onebehind]

Leaning forward, Dylan raises his eyebrows and reaches to tap his fingers against his temple. "Wanna try that one again?"

[the_death_card]

Jack rolls his eyes again, but he's still smiling. "Yeah, fine, your Halloween costume was cool," he says like it's a great effort to admit. Nevermind the fact that he's made no secret about how cool he finds everything to do with the Eye and magic.

It's also fairly obvious through the connection that he's teasing - like he knows Dylan is, too.

[onebehind]

Dylan tips his head to one side, then the other, weighing whether or not he plans on accepting that answer. In the end, he decides, "Yeah, I'll take it."